If you're anything like me then you often have times when you feel a bit flat for no apparent reason. Everything seems to be going great - you're on top of your tasks for the day, you've already been in touch with a loved one, and you feel physically fine. But inexplicably, you just feel demotivated and maybe a little apprehensive. There's nothing strange about this, and it can happens to any of us when we least expect it. Perhaps that's why it can feel extra frustrating if it happens to us when we're feeling fine one minute and then can't understand why we don't feel fine the next.
We all have pressure in our complex, modern lives. It can be pressure we put on ourselves to please others and pressure we feel from others to be successful. Sometimes that pressure is obvious, and at other times is can be subconscious. Which is why disconcerted feelings can often appear out of nowhere. Sometimes it can manifest because we hadn't been paying attention to something that we'd been aware of, but that had seemed trivial. Or maybe we simply weren't aware of it at all. We like to think that we're in full control of our mind at all times. But the mind often likes to jump around in an erratic way, jumping from one thought to a completely unrelated one. Sometimes we're juggling several thoughts at once and end up triaging those that seem most important or urgent. We don't always get this right though, and the seemingly trivial thoughts can often rear up unexpectedly to demand our attention.
Whenever I feel a bit flat like this, I'm often not even aware of it until I catch myself in the midst of some negative talk. I'll be berating myself for slacking off, disappointed that I've let myself down by allowing a loss of focus to creep in to my schedule. Then I realize I'm being unnecessarily harsh on myself and pause to question what's really going on. That's when I suddenly become aware that the reason I'm being negative is because my auto-response to failing my own expectations is to negatively self-criticize. The real issue then becomes obvious, that I'm not deliberately self-sabotaging, but that I'm actually feeling a bit flat for some strange reason. I then put a stop to the self-criticism, and affirm that I need to cut myself some slack and be kind to myself.
I'm by no means any kind of expert on how to feel more positive. But I thought it might be a good idea if I share of the tricks that have worked for me in the past. They won't necessarily all work for you, since different ones will work best for different people. Maybe there's one that particularly resonates with you, or maybe a combo of a few of them can yield results. One thing I do know is that ignoring issues can often make things feel worse, and that trying something is better than doing nothing about it. Apart from simply showing up for ourselves, trying different techniques aimed at improving how we feel is good practice at learning to be kinder to ourselves.
It took me a long time to even be aware of the negative self-talk. It was mostly thanks to a few good friends that weren't afraid to tell me that I have high expectations and tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. At first I dismissed it, but when they saw me falling into the same patterns, and it came up again I started to pay attention to what they were saying. I figured that they wouldn't have taken the risk to be brave and honest with me if they didn't have the right intentions for me. I then became more aware of when I would slip into the negativity, and started to looking at what might've been triggering it.
Over time I learned that the triggers could be a whole range of things, and that rather than obsessing over each trigger I needed to look at how I reacted to them. I needed to learn how to be kinder to myself. So that's what set me on my own journey of commitment to research different things that could help. Some of it learnt from others, and some of it through my own trial and error to see what felt right for me.
I must admit I was pretty weak-willed to begin with, because it was all foreign territory. It's not easy to change a mindset and the habits of a lifetime. So I decided to ease myself into it by starting off with the easy steps before building up the courage to try harder steps. Here are some of the easy boosters that worked for me.
Easy Boosters
- Sunshine. To be totally honest, this is my absolute favorite, which is why I started with this one. It works for me every time, and couldn't be easier. Stepping out into the sunshine always makes me immediately feel better. It's good for the body too, with natural sunlight triggering the body's own production of Vitamin D. That's probably why Vitamin D is known as "the sunshine vitamin". Other benefits include helping muscles, brain function, blood pressure and protecting against inflammation. Many of us can't get outside as often as we like, which just makes time spent in the sun all the more important. But if it's just not that sunny right now where you live, Vitamin D tablets are good way to gain the same health benefits, until the sunshine returns.
- Slow TV. I know this sounds like a strange one, but give it a chance. It's the next easiest and the closest thing to getting out in nature. I find it to be a bit of a no-brainer on a rainy day. Slow television is pretty much what it sounds like, referring to both the program's marathon length and slow pace. Originating in Norway, it has since spread to many countries. Usually consisting of train or ferry journeys in real time, slow tv is great for slowing your mind down and drifting along with the passing scenery. Many people dismiss it as a waste of time, but when you consider how much time many of us already spend binge-watching tv these days, it's not so different. Plus, if you live in a big city where hiking in nature options are limited, then slow tv might be the next best thing for you. No need to go crazy though, an hour or so at a time should be more than enough.
- Napping. This next one might sound silly to you. How can sleeping be helpful as a mood booster? Well, many of us a regularly sleep deprived, and although we might feel physically fine, the mind needs proper rest too. Being sleep deprived can result in a number of ill effects, since the body has not had enough time to recover and complete it's regular maintenance cycles. It's no wonder our moods can also suffer when we haven't had enough sleep. Benefits of napping can include reduced fatigue, increased alertness, improved performance, and importantly improved mood. The commonly recommended nap length is 40 minutes, but of course go with what works best for you.
- Talking. This probably seems like an obvious one. Who doesn't feel better after having gotten something off their chest with someone they trust. Even if not specific to the underlying issue, simply talking and being heard can make us feel immediately better. As with most things, it's very important to make sure that you discuss anything personal only with someone that you feel totally comfortable with and trust implicitly. It should be someone who knows you well and can be supportive and not try to talk over you. But if you find that it ends up being the same conversation over and over, then there might be an underlying issue that isn't being progressed. We often don't want to hear advice from our listener, simply to be heard. But this ends up limiting their ability to provide lasting help. If you find yourself in this situation, then it might be an idea to seek professional advice from a therapist. There's a different dynamic with a therapist, and they are usually in a better position to provide advice that will be taken seriously.
- Movement. You might be like me and often get frustrated with exercise. Be it the tediousness, finding the time and discipline, or simply don't like feeling sweaty. That's okay, not everyone has to be an elite athlete to stay healthy. But our bodies are designed to stay in motion and lack of movement can impact the body and in turn the mind. Movement doesn't have to be a 10km run, going for a walk might be more your style. What's important is to find some form of movement that works for you, and that you love. For me, it's doing some yoga, taking the dog for a walk, or going for a swim. Someone I find truly inspiring as a champion for movement at all ages, is award winning choreographer Twyla Tharp.
If you find that you've gotten through these simple mood boosters quickly, or have already tried some similar tips, then you might feel ready to push your boundaries and challenge yourself further. Please note though that if you've found none of these to be effective, then you should seek expert advice and consult your physician. They will be able to properly assess your lifestyle, and advise the optimal course of treatment as appropriate for you.